The Art of Allowing

Posted by Whiz on January 24, 2012

I am aware that I see beauty everywhere. Yet I do not see beauty reflected in the mirror.

New awareness. This reflection—is that me?

This morning the words “Art of Allowing” jumped off the cd that was on my counter when those words captured my attention. This cd is one from a series called Living the Art of Allowing that has been in my car for a very long time, and is part of a 6-cd series that I bought in 2006, and the only cd from the set that I still have. I brought it inside after cleaning out the interior of my car with the intention of listening to it again. The topic of this cd # 4 is “The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent”.

I am currently taking the Intent Course….again …taking with renewed purpose and intention this time around, and so I thought this was no accident that I bumped into this particular cd with this word “Intent “ in the title. I have not re-listened to the cd but since those words jumped off the page to me this morning, I decided to sit with the question of allowing in my quiet time this morning.

Back to the image in the mirror. When not looking in the mirror, I “see” myself as beautiful, loving, able to discern and appreciate beauty in all walks of life. So why is it so difficult to see that in the image I see in the mirror? Am I believing in separation? Am I believing that there is something I need to do, such as lose weight, exercise, have face lift, change hair color in order to be more beautiful? Is that what makes us beautiful? I know that’s not true about others, why can’t I see that about myself? Am I believing more in the world view than the spiritual?

Of course those are all exterior finishes….sort of like a coat of paint, right? Except that I am learning that what I see on the outside is reflecting what is inside. Am I willing to uncover the error and expose what’s really going on? Am I willing to trust, to love myself as God’s expression, exactly as He made me? Beautiful, complete…”His work is done….and behold, very good…”? Not human?

Or do I still have a belief in separation from God? What is beauty? What is beautiful? Why is it so easy for me to see beauty everywhere except within? This is what needs to let go—belief that God’s idea is ever, could ever, be anything except beautiful—not a certain size, weight, color, height, form. This is a huge revelation and awareness.

I remember hearing my mother tell me on many occasions, “handsome is as handsome does”. What I heard was, “you’re not beautiful, deal with it, be satisfied with the idea that you’ll never be beautiful, so be a nice person instead so people will like you.” That is the message I heard.

I realize that this is why seeing beauty, helping others see beauty they possess, uncover the error in thought about what makes one beautiful has been so important to me. It is this false belief that needs to be washed away, healed, and to see only love filling all space.

When I look at pictures of my mother when she was a young girl, I see that she truly was a beautiful little girl. She also was considered large for her age, standing taller than her mother as well as her older brother. Her mother was a small and slender person. I can imagine some of the things my mother may have been told as a child from a mother who was not known for her nurturing qualities but had a rather austere, stern way that she conveyed.

I know that my mother associated small with beautiful and big with clumsy, big was not beautiful, and she was never able to feel beautiful herself. The thought comes to me now that she had not learned how to nurture nor appreciate her innate beauty. Her mother, who had never learned how to nurture, nor even appreciate beauty beyond appearances, was not able to teach my mother how to nurture either. (Does this mean that I don’t know how to nurture? Another thought floating to the surface to flow away as an untruth about One Parent, Love, that we are. )

Big associated with clumsy. This is what I associate as I recall over hearing my mother talking about me to someone, telling them that I was not very graceful. I took tap dance lessons believing that I wasn’t graceful enough for ballet. Did I want to take ballet? I don’t remember. I did enjoy tapping.

I had not taken tap lessons very long around the time I was to go ice skating with my siblings. I was told that I had to use the double runner skates. I hated them. They weren’t pretty. They weren’t graceful. They were baby skates. I’m not a baby. (I remember my favorite thing about getting a baby brother was that I was no longer the baby of the family)
I talked my sister into letting me wear her single-runner skates after she was finished, and while we were waiting for our ride home. I’ll show them. I can too skate on big-girl skates. But those skates were too big for me. It was really hard skating on just one runner. I couldn’t skate. I fell. Hard. I couldn’t get up.

I remember my brother and sister kept telling me to get up. Quit being a baby. Stop crying. But I couldn’t get up. Everyone kept trying to make me walk on the sore leg. I kept crying. I couldn’t. It hurt too much.
Finally—I don’t remember how long—they believed me and I was taken for x-ray. My leg was broken—in two places. Everyone felt badly about trying to make me walk on a broken leg.

I still remember that cast. From my toes all the up to the top of my thigh, and I had to wear it a long, long time. I can still remember not being able to scratch the itch under the cast, and the smell from my toes from not being able to wash thoroughly between the toes well enough to eliminate that smell.

I remember when that cast was finally cut off…..with an electric power saw…I was so scared. And then I remember my disappointment when told that we needed to put another cast back on because the bone wasn’t completely healed. This next cast was smaller but still covered my whole leg. I don’t remember just how long all of this took, but to a 7 year old, it seemed like an eternity.

I remember when the second cast was finally taken off….again cut off with a power saw but not as scary this time because I now knew they weren’t going to actually slip and saw off my leg by mistake. I remember standing in our living room in that house in Ravenna after coming home without the cast and with my entire family standing there all telling me to walk. Only I couldn’t. It still hurt…..this time because the leg was filled with pins and needles because of being in a cast for such a long time….much too painful for this 7 year old in spite of all the prodding to ignore the pins and walk. I kept hearing, “don’t be a baby”, “stop crying”, “walk”. I don’t remember any nurturing comments.

I don’t have a memory of what happened next but I obviously did start walking again. I remember that I didn’t take any more tap dance lessons. I believed that I was too clumsy. “Handsome is as handsome does”.

I have loved watching the Ice Capades. I could feel myself gliding across that ice, dancing on single-runner skates moving gracefully to beautiful music, wearing a beautiful, flowing dress, and in the arms of a handsome man. Yes, that was me. I felt it all within. I did learn to ice skate, on single runners, though I never felt quite as graceful as the professional skaters. I still love watching them.

I love to watch dancing too. I love imagining myself waltzing around and around with beautiful music in the arms of a beautiful man. I feel it completely.

This is what has been uncovered. I better understand my love of graceful ice skaters and dancers and beautiful things.
I’m sorry dear Father that I have not been seeing your beautiful child as clearly as you do. I do feel your loving embrace. Thank you.

Many life lessons throughout all of this uncovering and unfolding within me. I realize that in many ways I am still that little girl wobbling around the ice pond of life saying, “See, I can too skate on single runner skates!”

And I continue learning through “the art of allowing” that even “handsome is as handsome does” carries messages of love within it and I do feel loved.

Categories: Gifts,Inspiration,Truth
24Jan

2 Responses to “The Art of Allowing”

  1. Jet says:

    Barb,

    This is a phenomenal, beautiful piece of writing, and I am SO GLAD you wrote it!
    To me, you ARE Graceful, Loved, Nurturing, Whole and Beautiful, and you always will be.

  2. Jamie says:

    Dear Whiz,
    What a heartfelt and touching story. Took such awareness and courage to reveal these feelings! I will always and forever remember and see you as the graceful flying traveling umbrella guide taking us all to beautiful places beyond our imaginations. Yes indeed, you are the picture of GRACE and BEAUTY!!