Barbara Budan

The Life of Flowers

Life adventures and learning lessons. Hope that this link is published as planned. It is another example of beauty unfolding all around us….effortless as we stay present and allow this expression! Click on link and enjoy the wonder of blooms unfold

With each viewing of this inspiring video, I am reminded of a sentence from Science and Health by Mary Baker Eddy: “Spirit, God, gathers unformed thoughts into their proper channels and unfolds these thoughts, even as He opens the petals of a holy purpose in order that the purpose may appear.” p. 506 Yes. He is opening the petals. I love how gently this appears.

It is our work to trust that this is exactly and precisely what is taking place, and avoid working to force conclusions. As I move through seeming vacant phase of life, I am reminded to turn to a higher sense of God for enlightening thought and how to promote the “Cause of Truth”.

I trust beauty. Wake up and see that the “fields are white already for harvest…”

I have a story to tell....

Home again, home again, jiggety jog….one of the many beautiful images I brought back with me after visiting with grandchildren in Charleston. Many fond memories formed together during the week’s visit. More pictures to follow.

Hoping that with posting this tree I will discover just how to add this and others to pinterest. I have followers without having pictures. Lessons to follow and share as learned.

Looking up the Tao Te Ching, I was moved with finding what #1 reads:
1
The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding

This is what feels out of balance…..the naming rather than being. As I move away from that game and accept understanding rather than looking for manifestations, clarity, calmness, quietude, all is well. Yes, all is well. This is all part of my abundance mind set…..instant in season, no struggle, rejoice. I love the idea of “the gateway to all understanding”.

Error goes to the place where it can give itself up…….interesting concept. A magazine came yesterday addressed to Bill. I started to toss it out but decided to look at it. It’s from spinal cord injury perspective. This is a new publication, not something that Bill had ever read. I looked it over. Some good stuff….”adapt, connect, achieve” messages, including aging in a chair, called “Life in Action”. I remember how doctors were astonished at Bill’s life, always asking what he did to be doing so well. He was unusual in regard to being one of very few ever to live so long after his particular type of neck injury, and they were curious about him. He could’ve contributed much to this publication. I thought I too could write some good articles, so I start to read the magazine. But I am grateful to know that I am not interested in going back there in memory and thoughts. I am so very grateful all that medical is not part of my day to day experience any more even as I know that there was so much more to what was going on with Bill and as Bill throughout all those times. Perhaps some writing along these lines will show up eventually for me to offer in similar venues.

What Bill was most successful in doing was that he did not accept all their projections about what he could expect to go wrong. Yes, he did look to me for his strength and guidance. I felt weighed down because I didn’t understand that this was looking to God, good, One Mind, directing more than to the human me. I felt very much like a human me that was expected to do more than any human could be expected or capable of doing. So now the veil has lifted. Thank you Bill for your gentle, tender guidance with integrity that pointed so far above human I didn’t always recognize it. Thank you God for the awareness with the reading of this publication that neither of us is locked into that chair any more.

Error gave itself up.

My continuing journey of discovery of what is beauty opens another door of understanding and transforms small events into huge learning opportunities.

This morning as I sat looking out my front window during quiet time, I noticed the moss growing along the side of the dogwood tree that grows there. Moss grows on the north side, right? I notice that this moss was growing on the left side of this tree. But my house faced north, at least what I thought was north.

As I studied the moss, the thought came to me that the moss knows better than I where true north is. If the moss knows on which side of the tree it is supposed to grow, I look again. I recognize that my home technically faces a northeastern direction rather than full north. I have referred to the direction my home as facing north. But now, with this fine-tuning idea of direction, I am able to see that the house actually faces northeast.

The moss knows what is true north!

I love this discernment….more finely tuned than previously thought…my house had not changed direction…nothing changed except my perception. Awareness.

In learning the meanings of the four directions as taught through Native American teachings, the definition of North offers many ideas. Some of the teachings help us learn what qualities these directions indicate and how they provide us guidance. I love learning that north provides the idea of wisdom, inner strength, endurance, renewal, spiritual introspection, and new and pure path. Spiritual Introspection.

As I walk with this direction of north in mind for the pathway of revelation, I discover that my life color purple (healing) shows up in my true north position, which also is healing and gratitude. Purple shows up in the 7th position for me, again indicating, protecting and healing. Healing within healing within healing. And the east? Self determination, which is the color brown, shows up for me as creating and knowing through enthusiasm and imagination with illumination.

Isn’t it remarkable that a little moss growing on the side of a tree can tell us so much?

I continue on my search for better understanding what beauty is. This is part of my chronicle along the path on the way of discovery as I revisit and/or re-interpret sights and sounds of beautiful.

The word arbutus from last week’s Bible Lesson stood out from the page and caught my attention. I then looked up the word and discovered a picture reminds me of the daphne odora that I have planted in my current yard. Daphne is one of my absolute favorites because of its beautiful fragrance. It is an evergreen shrub that is blooming now, another favorite quality of mine….blooming in cold weather. I discovered this plant while living in Charleston and where I planted several shrubs along the front side walk. The flowers are small and almost non-descript but, oh my, when they’re in bloom, their fragrance filled the entire area. The sweet and spicy (yes, beautiful) fragrance graced the walkway and front yard. It is similar to, but not quite as heavy as, the Confederate Jasmine (another favorite of mine).

Looking up Arbutus:

and discovered that this is a genus of 14 species of flowering plants native to warm, temperate climates of Mediterranean and western Europe, cultivated as ornamentals. Bark & leaves used to create medicines for colds, stomach problems, tuberculosis and even contraceptives. Fruit sometimes distilled into potent brandy (in Portugal) known as medronho, and is known to be great fuel wood that burns hot and long.

daphne odora: is an evergreen shrub known for its very fragrant, pale pink flowers, and glossy foliage, is native to China and Japan. Grows in fertile, acid, well-drained soil, tolerates full sun or partial shade. I am grateful that I planted more of these divine shrubs when landscaping my current home. They’re in bloom right now. I love enjoying the fragrance while walking in the yard. Some of these branches also fill an arrangement, and I am transported to heavenly places each time I pass my dining room table.

Beyond their appearance, both plants do not like root disturbance…..(do any of us?) this similarity can be even more interesting than appearances.

We notice that beauty is felt within even while we recognize it through what we see and hear.

Is beauty in what we see or hear? Or is it what transcends and inspires us?

Is it simply a co-incidence that arbutus captured my attention while on this search to define beauty?

I am aware that I see beauty everywhere. Yet I do not see beauty reflected in the mirror.

New awareness. This reflection—is that me?

This morning the words “Art of Allowing” jumped off the cd that was on my counter when those words captured my attention. This cd is one from a series called Living the Art of Allowing that has been in my car for a very long time, and is part of a 6-cd series that I bought in 2006, and the only cd from the set that I still have. I brought it inside after cleaning out the interior of my car with the intention of listening to it again. The topic of this cd # 4 is “The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent”.

I am currently taking the Intent Course….again …taking with renewed purpose and intention this time around, and so I thought this was no accident that I bumped into this particular cd with this word “Intent “ in the title. I have not re-listened to the cd but since those words jumped off the page to me this morning, I decided to sit with the question of allowing in my quiet time this morning.

Back to the image in the mirror. When not looking in the mirror, I “see” myself as beautiful, loving, able to discern and appreciate beauty in all walks of life. So why is it so difficult to see that in the image I see in the mirror? Am I believing in separation? Am I believing that there is something I need to do, such as lose weight, exercise, have face lift, change hair color in order to be more beautiful? Is that what makes us beautiful? I know that’s not true about others, why can’t I see that about myself? Am I believing more in the world view than the spiritual?

Of course those are all exterior finishes….sort of like a coat of paint, right? Except that I am learning that what I see on the outside is reflecting what is inside. Am I willing to uncover the error and expose what’s really going on? Am I willing to trust, to love myself as God’s expression, exactly as He made me? Beautiful, complete…”His work is done….and behold, very good…”? Not human?

Or do I still have a belief in separation from God? What is beauty? What is beautiful? Why is it so easy for me to see beauty everywhere except within? This is what needs to let go—belief that God’s idea is ever, could ever, be anything except beautiful—not a certain size, weight, color, height, form. This is a huge revelation and awareness.

I remember hearing my mother tell me on many occasions, “handsome is as handsome does”. What I heard was, “you’re not beautiful, deal with it, be satisfied with the idea that you’ll never be beautiful, so be a nice person instead so people will like you.” That is the message I heard.

I realize that this is why seeing beauty, helping others see beauty they possess, uncover the error in thought about what makes one beautiful has been so important to me. It is this false belief that needs to be washed away, healed, and to see only love filling all space.

When I look at pictures of my mother when she was a young girl, I see that she truly was a beautiful little girl. She also was considered large for her age, standing taller than her mother as well as her older brother. Her mother was a small and slender person. I can imagine some of the things my mother may have been told as a child from a mother who was not known for her nurturing qualities but had a rather austere, stern way that she conveyed.

I know that my mother associated small with beautiful and big with clumsy, big was not beautiful, and she was never able to feel beautiful herself. The thought comes to me now that she had not learned how to nurture nor appreciate her innate beauty. Her mother, who had never learned how to nurture, nor even appreciate beauty beyond appearances, was not able to teach my mother how to nurture either. (Does this mean that I don’t know how to nurture? Another thought floating to the surface to flow away as an untruth about One Parent, Love, that we are. )

Big associated with clumsy. This is what I associate as I recall over hearing my mother talking about me to someone, telling them that I was not very graceful. I took tap dance lessons believing that I wasn’t graceful enough for ballet. Did I want to take ballet? I don’t remember. I did enjoy tapping.

I had not taken tap lessons very long around the time I was to go ice skating with my siblings. I was told that I had to use the double runner skates. I hated them. They weren’t pretty. They weren’t graceful. They were baby skates. I’m not a baby. (I remember my favorite thing about getting a baby brother was that I was no longer the baby of the family)
I talked my sister into letting me wear her single-runner skates after she was finished, and while we were waiting for our ride home. I’ll show them. I can too skate on big-girl skates. But those skates were too big for me. It was really hard skating on just one runner. I couldn’t skate. I fell. Hard. I couldn’t get up.

I remember my brother and sister kept telling me to get up. Quit being a baby. Stop crying. But I couldn’t get up. Everyone kept trying to make me walk on the sore leg. I kept crying. I couldn’t. It hurt too much.
Finally—I don’t remember how long—they believed me and I was taken for x-ray. My leg was broken—in two places. Everyone felt badly about trying to make me walk on a broken leg.

I still remember that cast. From my toes all the up to the top of my thigh, and I had to wear it a long, long time. I can still remember not being able to scratch the itch under the cast, and the smell from my toes from not being able to wash thoroughly between the toes well enough to eliminate that smell.

I remember when that cast was finally cut off…..with an electric power saw…I was so scared. And then I remember my disappointment when told that we needed to put another cast back on because the bone wasn’t completely healed. This next cast was smaller but still covered my whole leg. I don’t remember just how long all of this took, but to a 7 year old, it seemed like an eternity.

I remember when the second cast was finally taken off….again cut off with a power saw but not as scary this time because I now knew they weren’t going to actually slip and saw off my leg by mistake. I remember standing in our living room in that house in Ravenna after coming home without the cast and with my entire family standing there all telling me to walk. Only I couldn’t. It still hurt…..this time because the leg was filled with pins and needles because of being in a cast for such a long time….much too painful for this 7 year old in spite of all the prodding to ignore the pins and walk. I kept hearing, “don’t be a baby”, “stop crying”, “walk”. I don’t remember any nurturing comments.

I don’t have a memory of what happened next but I obviously did start walking again. I remember that I didn’t take any more tap dance lessons. I believed that I was too clumsy. “Handsome is as handsome does”.

I have loved watching the Ice Capades. I could feel myself gliding across that ice, dancing on single-runner skates moving gracefully to beautiful music, wearing a beautiful, flowing dress, and in the arms of a handsome man. Yes, that was me. I felt it all within. I did learn to ice skate, on single runners, though I never felt quite as graceful as the professional skaters. I still love watching them.

I love to watch dancing too. I love imagining myself waltzing around and around with beautiful music in the arms of a beautiful man. I feel it completely.

This is what has been uncovered. I better understand my love of graceful ice skaters and dancers and beautiful things.
I’m sorry dear Father that I have not been seeing your beautiful child as clearly as you do. I do feel your loving embrace. Thank you.

Many life lessons throughout all of this uncovering and unfolding within me. I realize that in many ways I am still that little girl wobbling around the ice pond of life saying, “See, I can too skate on single runner skates!”

And I continue learning through “the art of allowing” that even “handsome is as handsome does” carries messages of love within it and I do feel loved.

My experience today showed me how to move through a flash of intention as I took a few moments to pause, observe, listen.

Today I had my annual eye exam as is required in order to get a new prescription for my contact lenses.
I was told that the right eye prescription had changed from 1.75 to a 3. which is almost twice the strength I have been using. That was quite a significant increase as typically the lenses power prescription doesn’t change from year to year.

I mused out loud wondering whether this meant my intuition was deteriorating. The doctor smiled, cocking his head and saying he didn’t understand, and asked what I meant. I mentioned that the right side is typically associated with the female/feminine and this is generally associated with intuition. I also said that the left then is associated with male/masculine, and is associated more with taking action. He smiled, making a comment about that is rather the way of the world.

I then suggested that the ideal would be that we all express both the masculine and the feminine…all of us, both male and female, and in balance, complete. He didn’t respond, just smiled,.

I realized that I was looking at the idea of needing more powerful contact lenses for my right eye as significant as a symbol, indicating that my intuitive listening was deteriorating. This was coming purely from thinking that I was human, but I know the truth behind letting go of that idea and trusting perfection.

I have had difficulty seeing clearly off and on for a while now, so I was grateful that I was able to now see more clearly.

I decided to stop for lunch, and found a lovely place in a park over-looking Lake Hartwell. As I parked and opened my windows to enjoy the fresh air, I heard a large group of bluejays calling out loudly overhead, flitting about in the tree tops, playing and singing to one another. I smiled remembering that this is the bird for January and blue jay has showed up to remind me to move up higher with my thoughts.

Yes. Definitely a great reminder for greater resourcefulness and adaptability. Such a simple, yet happy, reminder that talents simply must be developed and utilized rather than doubted and limited. Realizing that this is why they showed up for me at this particular time to remind me to lift up my thinking and seeing, I smiled again.

I recognized that my ability to see is not something that comes through a physical eye, nor a contact lense. Sight is a spiritual quality….can never diminish….regardless of any story working to be heard telling the opposite.

I shall continue to trust that I need have no fear. I love that the blue jay doesn’t migrate but was still here and has showed up as a perfect reminder for me today. No pretenders here. The blue jays playfully reminding that the One Source remains at peace, not needing ears to hear, nor eyes to see. Thank you!

Sometimes gifts show up in unexpected ways and when we’re least looking for them.

I received a beautiful gift although at first glance when first showed up, it was disguised as a problem. For several days I have been cleaning, painting, moving refrigerator, etc. at my sister in law’s rental house nearby, preparing house for young couple who wanted to move in this weekend. Much clean up has been required as this house has been vacant for over a year. I live nearby and my sister in law lives in Charlotte, so it seemed natural that I help out.

Finally all work had been completed, cleaning supplies loaded into car, all doors locked, and the garage door opener was left on kitchen counter for the new renters, electric garage door closed from inside, and I left via the side garage door which I locked on my way out. As soon as I had closed the door, I stopped. Oh no. What had I done?! My car was in the garage. With my car keys, including the house key, my cell phone, everything locked inside the garage. Hello. What was I thinking?

I paused. Really had to fight the urge to slap myself upside the head for doing something so, so, so, so…..stupid. Heard the angel message to walk next door to call rental manager so he could bring another key. Neighbor was most friendly and helpful and preparing for a dinner party soon to begin. Rental manager was tied up and unable to help. Next angel thought (with many interrupting less than productive thoughts in between) I remembered that I had recently found an extra key to this house at my house.

One of neighbor’s guests drove me to my house, waited for me to find the key, and then drove me back to the house. I poked my head inside to thank neighbor once again for her help. She invited me in for glass of wine. I hesitated, but agreed after much insistence from all the guests. Enjoyed beautiful conversations with new friends. Then walked next door to retrieve my car. What a gift.

I drove home feeling uplifted and rejuvenated, taking the garage door opener with me just in case…..

I am grateful for rainy days and Mondays. Unlike the Carpenter’s singing how “it always gets me down”, I feel especially cozy listening to the gentle raindrops as they fall on the skylights creating a peaceful rhythmic background music for my quiet morning study time.

I am grateful for this time to reflect with gratitude as I remember sitting in Sunday School many, many years ago, if counting trips around the sun, but only a moment ago in my thought. This little girl of 6 or 7 sat during the silent prayer time that is part of Christian Science services before repeating aloud the Lord’s Prayer. I vividly remember how earnest she was as she asked God for His help to be good, to help her see and do what was asked of her today and every day, and I remember how honest and earnest this little girl felt as she spoke this desire silently to God.

I’m grateful for another event experienced by this same little girl that came into my thoughts this morning. There was a family living nearby where this little girl lived around that same time as she attended that Sunday School. They had a granddaughter that would come to visit. She was older than I was but the grandparents loved that I would come over to visit her whenever she came to see them. She was blind. I didn’t really have a conception of what blind was even when they explained to me that she had an accident when very young that left her without sight.

I would play games with her on their front sidewalk, asking her to guess whether she was standing on the grass or the sidewalk. When she would guess correctly, I would get so excited and happy, then say to her, “see, I think you are starting to see a little!!” She would laugh, jump up and down and be so happy with that idea, wanting to play the game over and over. And yes, I fully expected this to be true, that she was able to see a little more each day.

The only other recollections I have about this blind friend were of her parents thanking me for helping her laugh. I don’t know where she is, how she is, having had no other contact with her from then to now. Yet, this morning I felt connected to her. I feel connected to that other little girl who helped her to find laughter in little things too.

There is a sense of joy remembering these two little girls in their innocence and gentleness, as they rejoiced in the moment, free from any sense of burden or hurt or guilt. I am so very grateful for this awareness and remembrance.

Thank you.

I’m grateful for this reminder. Hopefully you can click on link below and listen to an oldie but goodie song from The Carpenters.

After stopping at the post office this morning mailing out Valentine’s, I was captivated by the beauty of the day. It spoke to me, awakening my sense of adventure. So instead of turning left to return home, I turned to the right and traveled north deciding to visit my favorite overlook for quiet reflecting and reading time. It was a perfect day…lots of sunshine with clear skies to enjoy the beautiful scenic views.

I wasn’t the only one with this same idea. There were many other people stopping to enjoy the view. Some stayed in their cars. Many got out to take pictures. One elderly couple very deliberately and carefully parking their car, then getting out and walking slowly over to the edge for a better view the scene at the outlook. They both were walking slowly a bit hunched forward.

It was chilly but I had my window open to enjoy the fresh air and could hear some of their conversation. “Let me take your picture.” “No, you let me take your picture.” So I asked if they’d like me to take a picture of the both of them together, and they delightedly answered “yes that would be great!”

After taking several pictures of them together with their happy smiles and the expansive views of Lake Jocassee in the background, they were reluctant to leave and were eager to chat. They asked if I was familiar with the area and whether I had any idea of when the dancing season would start. I do know the area but am unfamiliar with when and where the dancing happens in these parts!

They were excited to talk about their dancing experiences, telling how they’re usually out dancing sometimes 4 and 5 times a week, dancing, teaching dancing of all kinds, including country line dance, the tush push, the Shag and many others. The wife told of how her husband was always teaching people how to dance no matter where he was, even giving dance lessons in the Wachovia Bank! I marveled at all they shared and told them it sounded wonderful even as I was wondering to myself how could they dance when it appeared they could barely walk.

He then asks me, “Do you think I could teach someone how to dance the Shag in just two minutes?” I told him I bet he could. He then says, “How about if I teach you right here? Would you like to learn how to dance the Shag in just two minutes? Are you willing to try?” So I answer, “well okay, sure, let’s give it a go.” He then takes my hand, turns to face me, tells me to copy his footwork, and then begins his count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, step back with your right foot on 7, and 8.” Repeating, :1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, step back on 7, 8″, over and over. I stayed up with his demonstration, copying his steps. He then starts moving around in circles, continuing with the “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8″, twirling me under his arm, first one way and then back the other. There I am. Dancing the Shag. In less than two minutes. Along a sloped roadside no less.

I now know how to dance the Shag. My dance instructor reminds me that now I know the steps, but I need to practice, practice, practice, all day long, all around my house. Hour after hour, no matter what, just keep the count, alternating left, right, stepping back on the 7 count with the right foot. Practice these same steps. That’s all there is to it, even when changing tempo and rhythms.

Then they showed me their Shag dance routine, danced with much flair and with a flow that gave evidence of their many years of dance partnering together, although no evidence of the hunched over slow walking couple that I saw as they approached the overlook.

What a delightful study time I had this morning. Be willing. You never know what treasures will unfold with your day.

And that’s how I happened to take dance lessons on an overlook alongside a roadway under the Carolina blue sky! Now I need to find some beach music to practice my dance steps. http://youtu.be/eIuEBAJ787I